Shame: Never Feeling "Good Enough"
What is shame? More than guilt, shame is about our core identity. Guilt is a response to having done something – an action – that we can address by acknowledging our mistake and making amends. Shame is deeper – it is our perception of our own value and worth. We discover that we are living out a cycle of trying to make everything right, and then falling into exhaustion and giving up because the task is impossible.
Often clients will come into my office stating they are struggling with depression. As their personal history and story unfolds, I am alerted when I hear statements such as, “I am never good enough”, or “I feel like everything has to be perfect.” To uncover and heal this issue of shame is a major step in recovery.
In graduate school I participated in a seminar called, “Shame and Grace.” One of our textbooks was titled ‘Tired of Trying to Measure Up.” As soon as I mention this title, clients will nod and express relief that their struggle has a name, and more importantly, they are not alone.
Shame usually has its beginning in our early years when we are given wrong indications from people close to us whom we respect and trust. These wrong indications are judgments and evaluations of ourselves that we eventually internalize and come to believe without question. If you are ready to challenge the truth of these messages, you are ready to begin to release the burden of shame.
Polly Bass, MA
Often clients will come into my office stating they are struggling with depression. As their personal history and story unfolds, I am alerted when I hear statements such as, “I am never good enough”, or “I feel like everything has to be perfect.” To uncover and heal this issue of shame is a major step in recovery.
In graduate school I participated in a seminar called, “Shame and Grace.” One of our textbooks was titled ‘Tired of Trying to Measure Up.” As soon as I mention this title, clients will nod and express relief that their struggle has a name, and more importantly, they are not alone.
Shame usually has its beginning in our early years when we are given wrong indications from people close to us whom we respect and trust. These wrong indications are judgments and evaluations of ourselves that we eventually internalize and come to believe without question. If you are ready to challenge the truth of these messages, you are ready to begin to release the burden of shame.
Polly Bass, MA